Difficult Questions of Leadership: Part Two--Husband of One Wife

                Having established that the purity of the eldership is worth defending, we now move to those qualifications which have the most potential for conflict.  This article will address the requirement that an elder be the “husband of one wife” (1 Tim. 3:2).

                In order to understand any of the qualifications in the list one must first understand the purpose of that list (1 Tim. 3:1-7).  The list is a way to measure the quality of the man and his suitability for the duty of an elder.  The first item is that which includes all the others, that he be “above reproach.”  He is judged based upon those things which are within his control.  How can anything besides what he controls cause him to fall under reproach?  Therefore, whatever these qualifications require must relate to those things which the man can control.   

To be “the husband of one wife” is literally a “man of one woman”; we might say a “one woman man.”  Therefore, this does not concern his marital status per se.  A man who was a faithful husband, who was and remains a one-woman kind of man, may be deserted by an unfaithful wife.  The woman’s decision to leave does not change the character of the man and that is what is under consideration.  An attentive, caring, loving, sacrificial husband remains “above reproach” even if his wife falls under reproach.  His wife’s desertion does not diminish his character in any way.  Why then does Paul require that an elder be a “man of one woman?”

An illustration may be of help.  The NT often commands Christians to greet one another with a holy kiss/kiss of love (cf. Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thess. 5:26; 1 Pet. 5:14).  Why then do not all Christians greet with a kiss?  Paul was not instituting a new practice, only regulating a previously existing one.  Paul did not require that they kiss—they already did that—he required that their kissing be holy.  If he had written to a church which did not kiss he would not have required that they begin, only that their greeting, whatever form it took, be done in a holy manner.  Today, it is not necessary that Christians begin to kiss one another.  It is necessary, however, that whatever form of greeting we use be extended in holiness without impurity.  So it is with marriage among elders.  Paul does not require that an elder be married; he assumes an elder is married already.  Then, as now, it is expected that older men will be married.  Paul merely regulates this previously existing marriage.  Paul’s concern is for the man’s conduct within that marriage.  He is to be a man who is above reproach in regard to sexual morality.  For the married man this means that he is a one-woman kind of man.

One other consideration is worth notice.  Should not a church desire its best men for its shepherds?  All will readily agree, yes.  With that in mind It would seem odd for Paul to require marriage.  Elsewhere Paul is clear that the unmarried are able to give more attention to spiritual things (1 Cor. 7:32-35).  The unmarried man is only concerned with “how to please the Lord” (7:32).  He encourages celibacy “to promote . . . undivided devotion to the Lord” (7:35).  Now imagine testing two men for the eldership.  One is “anxious about worldly things” and his “interests are divided” (7:33, 34).  The other is “anxious about the things of the Lord . . . how to be holy in body and spirit” and his devotion to the Lord is “undivided” (7:32, 34, 35).  Which of the two sounds most suitable for the eldership?  Obviously the latter.  It is that very one which many would hinder from becoming an elder.  

To be “above reproach” concerns those things which are under a man’s control.  To be a “man of one woman” does not require that a man be married; that may be outside of his control altogether.  It requires only that he be “above reproach” in his sex life.  So long as a man is sexually pure then he meets the qualification.  We must require what God requires and allow what God allows.  Requiring marriage will cost the church some of its best leaders.  Men who cannot marry for various reasons may be better suited for shepherding than some married men.  A church rarely grows past its leadership.  If we are to ensure maximum growth among Christ’s church we need its best men leading the way.  The best men are all one-woman kinds of men, whether they are married or not.